Hey, hey, little girl!
Stop!
What do
you want, little one?
Your ass,
Who are you?
Frank Shreben,
Police squad,
The new version,
My name is Sergeant Frank Shreben,
Detective Lieutenant Police Squad,
A special division of the LAPD,
The day after the bank robbery started like any other, I woke up in my empty cop
apartment, stared at a picture of my deceased cop wife, and choked back cop tears,
A perfect morning?
Sure,
But I had no idea what this city had in store for me,
Thank you,
Thanks, everyone,
What is this?
Don't cheer for him,
You too,
My office now,
Thanks to you, I just spent two hours getting chewed out by the mayor,
Apparently, some of the bank robbers you put in
the ICU, they're lawyering up to sue the city,
That's ridiculous,
They're criminals,
It's the law,
Since when the cops have to follow the law?
Since forever,
Oh, yeah?
And who's going to arrest me?
Other cops?
Yes,
Is he serious?
No,
Let me be crystal clear,
They are threatening to shut down police squad because of you,
Honestly, you're lucky you still work here after last year's McDonald's incident,
They wouldn't sell me freedom fries,
You arrested the entire staff,
I wasn't thinking clearly,
I was furious about the Janet Jackson Super Bowl,
That was 20 years ago,
Not to me,
We understand, chief,
You're right,
Good,
Because I'm taking you off the bank job,
What?
I'm putting you on collisions,
There's a crash up in Malibu,
Yes, ma'am,
Thank you,
And make sure your body cams are actually turned on,
Got it,
Camera will be on,
Drebin, it's a new day at police squad,
Things are changing so fast around here,
I guess you really can't fight city hall, are you?
No,
It's a building,
Now, there's a real man,
They just don't make him like your pops anymore,
I'm glad he's not around to see what police squad has come to,
Mind if I take him in there, dad?
Of course,
Hi, Daddy,
It's me, Frank Jr, I want to be just like you, but at
the same time be completely different than original,
So if you're proud of me, give me a sigh like maybe make me see an owl or something,
Hey, dad,
It's me, Ed,
Boy, do I miss you,
Hey, pops,
Yes,
Ed and I pulled up to the Malibu car crash around 2 p,m,
Nothing unusual, but in the city, usual is unusual,
So how was your day last night, Frank?
I couldn't go through it a bit,
You canceled?
No,
I didn't want to upset her,
So I had Officer Barnes tell her I was stabbed to death,
You're a real romantic, Frank,
But everyone needs someone even a widower like you,
I'm just not ready to open myself to love again,
I had them wait to clear the wreck so you could get eyes on it,
Crash happened around 4 a,m,
Oh, there were no skid marks on the road,
You didn't hit the brakes before going over,
Drunk?
Had a little,
Just enough to wake me up,
Fancy car,
That's one of those new Eden tech electric ones,
Electric, huh?
I remember when the only things that were electric
were Eels, chairs, and Catherine Zeta Jones in Chicago,
You did pill bottles,
Who was he?
Simon Davenport, 53 years old,
No wife, no kids,
He's got a sister out in Hancock Park, but we don't
really know anything about her other than her name,
Beth Davenport,
Divorced, 5'6", 130 pounds,
Spitfire of a personality, self-proclaimed chocoholic,
Likes outdoorsy things but is just as happy curling up with a good book,
All right,
I've seen enough,
Martin is suicide,
Go ahead,
Lieutenant?
What's up, Bonds?
Look, I know you're off the bank job, sir, but I could really use your advice,
Go for it,
Look, it's a strange thing,
All the thieves had never met each other, and
none of them knew who they were working for,
Brilliant,
They don't know anything that can't screw you up,
Whoever orchestrated this is very smart,
And get this, the robbers were told that they could keep the cash,
Who organizes a bank robbery and doesn't keep the cash?
It must have been after something else,
Why don't you bring in one of the burps, see if we can get them talking?
Got it,
Thank you,
How's that, Frank?
Got a business,
I told her to wait outside and she just walked in,
You want me to get rid of her?
That's okay,
I'll deal with it,
Oh,
Over here, Lieutenant,
I had sworn off rough after my wife died, but
this woman was put together in all the right ways,
Face, head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes,
At a bottom that would make any toilet beg for the brown,
Sorry to keep you waiting, ma'am,
How may I help you?
You're wrong about Simon Davenport,
He wouldn't come at suicide,
Simon Davenport?
A stiff from the Malibu crash,
That stiff was my brother,
Oh, I mean, he wasn't that stiff, really,
Not yet,
More floppy and bloated,
No, I mean, I'm so sorry for your loss,
Please, take a chair,
No, thank you,
I have plenty of chairs at home,
Now, Mrs,,, Yes, Davenport,
Mr,,,
Trebin,,,
Miss,,, Detective Frank Trebin,
Detective, I think someone murdered Simon,
Really?
What makes you think that?
Well, he called me last night,
He said he was in some kind of trouble, so he made plans to meet this morning,
Does that sound like someone is planning to kill themselves?
Well, it certainly does not,
Why would someone do that to him?
Trust me, there's always a reason to kill someone,
Did he have an obnoxious laugh?
No,
I forgive him just about myself,
That's okay,
I'm not you either,
Tell me, what did your brother do for work?
Computers,
He was a programmer for Richard Cain,
The genius is going to save the world with his electric cars,
Well, he's the first person you should talk to, but you
can check Simon's driving records and see if they match,
Oh, slow down there,
Excuse me?
Let's just leave the police work to me, okay?
Oh, I see,
Same old story with guys like you,
Guys like me?
Stuff like old men who think they know what's best,
I understand you're upset, but this is what I do,
If someone did, off your brother, I'll find them,
Well, I appreciate that, detective, but Simon was all I had,
Don't forget me if I don't just sit around and hope you do your job,
That's exactly what I expect you to do,
When I have something, I'll contact you,
I'm doing a series of book readings this week,
You can find me there,
Book readings?
Yes, I write true crime novels based on fictional stories that I make up,
Yes, well, you may write about it, but I live it,
Now, if you'll excuse me, we're having a birthday party,
And I'm the best singer in the office,
On second thought, I will take that chair,
I couldn't remember the last time someone had talked to me like that,
It was the kind of dressing down you usually
have to pay for in the basement of a laundromat,
But she had the kind of hips you wanted to put a hoo-hoo ball and spin,
The kind of,,,
,,,
I wasn't convinced Simon Davenport had been
murdered, but the case was starting to give me an H,
And when I start to scratch, I don't stop till I
break skin and the doctor makes me wear mittens,
Thanks,
Co-check?
Champagne,
Richard Cain had made his first fortune in microprocessors,
Then used it to build a vast online retail marketplace in the Greek technology empire,
That, suddenly, the bear charges towards me,
I ready my knife,
And he barrels right past me to a honey hive above the campsite,
It had been there all along, and I hadn't seen it,
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
ha,
Lieutenant Trenton?
Me, too,
I, Richard Cain,
Please,,, walk with me,
So what can you tell me about Mr, Davenport?
Simon was a brilliant engineer,
One of our best,
No idea he was so terribly depressed,
Suicide?
Trenton find, possible suicide,
What's the speciality file?
No, the chicken probably couldn't do this,
But I'm not ruling anything out,
I see,
Was this one of the projects Simon was working on?
No, what you see here is a red light therapy
machine, proven to increase testosterone,
Did you know that men's sperm count is at historic lows across the board?
Fascinating,
I've never put my sperm across a board,
I have an old Bon Jovi T-shirt for that,
You know, I hope you don't think it's awkward in my
saying this, but I'm actually a big fan of yours,
Is that so?
Yes,
I read about your work at the bank robbery,
Guys like you were a dying breed,
Guys like me?
Yes, a metabaction,
You don't ask permission to fix what they know is broken,
I'm surprised to hear you say that,
Coming from someone who's so into these gadgets,
oh, you don't enjoy the marbles of the modern age?
No offense, but the world was better before,
I agree,
I don't tell anyone,
Cigar?
Looks good to me,
No, would you like one?
Smoking indoors?
Care to write me a ticket?
That matchbook,
I've seen it before,
Mr, Bengal, it's a summer club I own for some of the city's elite,
It's the kind of place where men can be themselves, have a few drinks,
and, uh, like the Black Eyed Bees once said, get retarded in here,
You can still say that word?
In my club, you can,
Well, I love the Black Eyed Bees, so who doesn't?
I know a few people,
They're fools,
I know,
Well, I am,
Apple, D-App, Taboo,
Don't forget Fergie,
I would never forget Fergie,
The Duchess,
Well, if you need anything, please, um, hesitate to call,
Thank you,
I'll be in touch,
It's that way, of course,
Why don't we get Mr, Dreppen a little gift for tomorrow?
The Eden Vox one,
Police squad's first ever fully automated self-driving electric vehicle,
A gift we just received from Richard Cain,
He must have made some kind of impression last night, Frank,
Yeah, we seem so,
Coffee?
Yes, thank you,
Don't be shy, fellas,
Come check it out,
Smoke,
All electric, 0-to-60 in 3,1 seconds,
I guess that's good,
Watch this,
Car,
Open doors,
I made tricks,
No, you try,
Car,
Please,
Close doors,
Pretty fun, I guess,
Okay, how about this?
Car,
Drive forward 30 feet,
Pretty smooth,
Go over there,
Press it,
Hey, guys!
I tell you, this place is falling apart,
I got half a dozen witnesses that place you on the scene,
We know you were at the bank,
I'm telling you, I wasn't there,
Thanks, Bart,
This is quite the rap sheet you've got here,
It says you served 20 years for man's laughter,
Must have been quite the joke,
You mean man's slaughter?
Well, you know your boss didn't want cash,
So what was the point of the robbery?
What did he want?
I wasn't there,
You think you're so smart,
Well, I think my body cam might tell a different story,
Ed!
Technology really is something,
Police squad is all about transparency these days,
Dispatch for Mrs, Drebin, 10-7,
Oh, yeah, chili dog,
Breakfast of champions,
I know a little, but I'll play it,
Okay, you can fast forward a bit,
License adverse stress, please,
This isn't mine,
Excuse me,
Oh, boy,
Listen, you seem like a decent fella,
I'm going to let you off with the warning,
Have a great day, boy,
It's much later in the day,
Fast forward a while,
You'll see,
Just wait,
Oh,
It's his bathroom,
Oh, God,
Come on,
Move, move, move,
Focus,
Yeah, maybe a little more,
I'm going to ruin another suit,
Mornings,
Sorry,
Freeze, brother!
Uh, down the line, man,
You're a disgusting, you stupid idiot,
You breastfed until you were 13, you freak,
Can't get it up without the stench of milk on your chin,
Don't you dare,
Don't do it,
Don't eat it,
Oh, God, Frank,
I had five more in that day,
Still better, Frank?
You better believe it,
Yes,
That's you inside the bank,
Leanest day,
Okay, fine,
Whoever we was working for, they was crazy,
I mean, they just wanted us to get some safe deposit box,
Safe deposit box?
There,
Box 595,
And check the list,
Yep,
You're not going to believe this one, Frank,
Simon Davenport,
So you're saying these two cases are one case?
Gentlemen, when you joined me to launch Eaton Tech, it was with one goal,
To save the world,
Together we've created technologies to rival the gods,
Has the world gotten any better?
No,
It's only gotten worse,
Now, when the founding fathers created this country, they sat in a room like this
filled with men like us, and birthed an empire,
The USA,
Yes, that's right,
But as years went by, other people wanted to get into that room,
Fish people,
What?
Fish people, gills on their necks,
I don't,
Like mermaids and merma women,
Mermaids, right,
No, stop,
Not fish people, ungrateful people,
People that did not earn their seat at the table,
People not built like the men in this room,
Crab hands,
They had crab hands instead of fingers,
Stop,
I know what I mean,
So just let me do the talking,
This is a crab hand,
I met him,
Put the phone away,
Now, it is time for us to admit that the path we are on is not working,
The system is broken,
And what does one do when the system is malfunctioning?
You won't plug it,
And then, you plug it in again,
I call it the primordial law of toughness device,
Let me show you what it is capable of,
Last year, we set up cameras at a local community center,
Decided to run a little experiment,
The question, what would happen to modern humans if we
reverted their psyche to an original state of nature,
What activated the device since an audio frequency
that reduces the brain to its animalistic core?
In this case, the frequency was limited,
But next time, it will spread through every
smart device until the entire world is infected,
As for us, upon that mission, we will decap to one of my super bunkers around
the world, where there will be food and water, and
the best live entertainment the world has to offer,
What's up, evil billionaires?
I am so excited to be doing live shows for as long as it takes in the doomsday Eagle
Bumper Room, located in block four of the Arizona District,
See you there!
Ambush Paradise,
And when the embers have died down, any survivors
left will have earned their place alongside us,
And we will return to a world that has been a blank slate, upon which we can
rebuild as the founding fathers of a new Eden,
Gentlemen, ladies, this New Year's Eve, I give you Project Inferno,
It turned out that Cain's nightclub was only
half a mile from where Simon Davenport crashed,
And that got me thinking, maybe he had been there the night he died,
So I hopped into my new electric cruiser and told it to head to Malibu,
Please take the wheel,
Warning, please take the wheel,
What's all that you people?
It's collision detected,
What is this silly comment there?
Where can I get you?
I was wondering if you could help me,
I'm looking for a friend to have been here before,
Nah, I haven't seen him,
You hardly looked at him,
I saw enough,
You don't remember me, do you?
Should I?
My brother,
You shot him in the name of justice,
There could literally be thousands of people,
You shot him in the back as he ran away,
Hundreds,
Unarmed,
At least 50,
He was white,
So you're Tony Royland's brother?
That's right,
How is old Tony?
Very serious,
Bad,
Right,
So your friend, maybe I have seen him, maybe I haven't,
I can't remember,
You can't remember, huh?
Nah,
Well, maybe this one's the out-game memory,
That's better,
Remember now?
Yeah, I remember,
He sat in a corner booth,
He had a drink,
That's all I know,
Where do they keep surveillance footage?
In the back,
But even I'm not allowed in there,
And there she was again,
I had to admit she was beautiful,
She had a body that carried her head around on a
butt that seemed to say, Hello, I'm a talking butt,
Elegant?
Yeah, I'd say so,
But like a teenager with three babysitting
jobs, I didn't meet another babysitting job,
Hello, Lieutenant,
What the hell are you doing here?
I'm doing the same thing you are,
I told you I wasn't going to sit around and wait,
Listen, this isn't one of your stories,
Average civilian women don't suddenly solve crimes,
Oh, you read my book?
What'd you think?
I think it's a fantasy,
A woman puts on a wig and sent glasses and suddenly she's a assassin,
But did you enjoy it?
It has some good parts,
Ah, Lieutenant Trebin,
Doesn't he know you're Simon's sister?
No,
Good,
Let's keep it that way,
A wonderful surprise,
Fine, thank you,
Beautiful place you've got here,
Can't smell the dead animals at all,
Thank you,
Can I get you a drink?
It's just water,
It's sparkling,
And who is this stunning creature?
I don't believe we've met,
Oh, I'm out,
This says Miss, um,,,
Cherry,,,
Roosevelt's,,, Fat Bozo chowing spaghetti,
What an interesting name,
Yes,
Thank you,
So, look at it,
What brings you here?
I was hoping you could let me take a look at your security footage,
Oh, may I ask why?
Go right ahead,
Unfortunately, I can't show you the security footage,
Our members trust that we will provide them with the highest level of privacy,
I hope you understand,
I'm starting to,
Well, thank you so much for the drink,
It's getting late,
We really must be going,
So soon?
I hope you're not leaving too much spaghetti,
Oh, well,,, Yes, she's leaving too,
Early morning at Disneyland tomorrow,
She's one of those Disney adults,
Obsessed really,
Her bed is covered in dolls,
Oh, spaghetti,
Please stay for a drink,
You don't mind,
Do you try to be my guest?
Wonderful,
I'll get a tape,
We get the footage,
I'll keep them occupied,
Absolutely not,
I can't,
Wow,
This place is amazing,
Oh, thank you,
The spaghetti?
I might speak freely,
I prefer English,
You're much too sophisticated for the likes of Frank Drebben,
Oh, I'm not with Drebben,
Oh, well, that's wonderful news,
Cheers,
From Bill Cosby's private estate,
So, tell me, what are you working on lately?
Oh, let's not talk about work,
Let's talk about play,
Do you like jazz?
Spaghetti,
I like it,
I love it,
Sir, uh,,,
I don't like it,
No,
Yes, sir,
This one's for my electric new friend,
Richard Kane,
Wow,
Sounds fresh chicken and tea,
Make it extra olympie, boys,
I've always said fighting is a lot like jazz music,
A scat like improv, for one lets imagination take control of their body,
I'm fine,
There's two things I love,
My stay-at-home girlfriend and gorilla nut enhanced drink supplement for men,
Don't follow fat diets and fake workouts,
You want to get ripped?
All you need is muscle slime,
Rub it on,
Well, look at that,
Who are you, my secret eavesdropping friend?
Douglas O'Reilly investigative journalist, LA Chronicle,
It seems this dropper might be more of a problem than we thought,
I wish you'd keep an eye on him,
Make sure he doesn't cause any more distractions,
Yes, sir,
Davis, this better be good,
He did what?
Get me Drebbett this instant,
Ma'am, I'm so sorry, but you have to listen to me,
There's something deeper going on here,
You wake up my husband, I swear to God,
I'm sorry,
What the hell are you thinking, Drebbett?
Richard Cain is a very powerful man and he makes a lot of hefty
donations to the city including the new car you're driving,
Richard Cain is dirty,
He's involved with his Simon Davenport murder,
And by the way, the bank job, too,
You're still working the bank job?
That's it, you're suspended,
Suspended?
What did I say about waking Ronald?
He has a Fitzgerald presentation tomorrow, and if Maury Voda doesn't accept his
vertical integration pitch, Bill Cantor will
leapfrog him for the third year in a row,
But Ronald trained Bill,
Exactly,
I got no choice,
I'm putting you on ice,
Two weeks, effective immediately,
Now, get out,
We're all rooting for you, Ronald,
Give a mail tomorrow,
Good night,
Oh, it's here,
Now tell me,
What did you see on the security footage?
Listen, I feel for you,
I really do,
But I had to beat up a lot of henchmen tonight,
Men with daughters,
Oh, come on,
You wouldn't even have seen it if I didn't help you,
Help me,
That's rich,
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm tired,
I'm hungry,
Good night, Mr, Airport,
What if we had a little dinner together?
I sure could go for a,,,
bite,
Slow down, Chef,
This turkey burns at 450,
How hot was I cooking?
About a thousand,
Turkey needs slow and low,
Unless you like your center pink,
No, I love my center's pink,
You're not worried the rare meat will ruin a good stuffing?
As long as you don't mind if I get cinnamon in it,
Mind it,
I prefer it,
I like a sick little boy,
You're not going to stop handing me, are you?
Not for a second,
Excuse the mess,
I, uh,,, haven't had the heart to clean since my wife died,
My condolences,
How did she pass?
Great,
50 yards easy,
Arm, like a cannon,
And then she died,
So we'll never know if she could have gone pro,
She was the sweetest woman I've ever known,
She sounds like a saint,
Or maybe a bronco or a 49er,
We would have been happy with that 18, really,
Anyone but the Browns,
It's quite a view you have,
You know I've been drawn to the hills ever since I moved here for college,
You see L,A,?
I see it every day,
I live here,
I'm afraid I don't have much to offer,
However,,, All that turkey talk outside got me in the Thanksgiving mode,
I think I have a full turkey around here somewhere,
But my often is filthy,
I don't mind,
I like a dirty bird,
It sure was fun to talk about a dirty bird,
But it would be unsanitary,
Well, hot fried is the most important part,
It sure is,
This is my buster,
He must have smelled what's going on,
Silly dog,
That's not for you,
Okay,
It's so strong,
Put that down,
How about some nice scratches instead of all?
Yes,
Wow,
Oh, you're here,
May I?
Oh, yes,
That's better,
This is crazy,
It's been a long time,
I'm afraid I may have forgotten how to kiss,
After a relaxing weekend away with Beth, it was time to get back to the case,
So I called the LA Chronicle News Desk to follow up on Douglas O'Reilly,
But was informed that he hadn't made it into work,
So I headed to his apartment,
Douglas O'Reilly,
Lieutenant Frank Drevin here, police squad,
Hello?
Anyone home?
Hey, Douglas,
I stepped in some kind of red liquid,
You got any paper towels?
I'm dragging it all over your place,
I picked up your knife for you,
Where do you want it?
Press record,
Say your name and say I did it,
Lieutenant Frank Drevin,
I did it,
Okay,
O'Reilly, that you?
O'Reilly,
And that's when it hit me,
Like an idiot's finished jigsaw puzzle,
I was being framed,
I needed to clean the crime scene,
No body, no criminal,
Hiding the body was no longer an option,
Freeze!
It's not what it looks like,
It's run!
Thank you, guard,
What's up?
Guard, stop it,
I said stop,
Hello, Drevin,
Mind if I take the wheel?
Okay, what's going on?
I've taken control of the car,
It's a little trick I have when I want to fix mistakes,
So that's how Davenport died,
He didn't drive himself off a cliff,
You did,
Now you're getting somewhere detective,
But not before he spills your secrets to that reporter,
So you went and killed him, too,
I didn't kill him, Frank,
You did,
You're the crazy cop who stabbed the reporter and then drove himself into the ocean,
Hell, I am,
There's no escape, Drevin,
I'm just a little sad that you won't be there to see
what I have in store for the New Year's Eve balls drops,
Oh, well,
Have a nice trip,
Oh,
Hi, Susan,
Bees!
Looks like you could use some help,
What?
Open the doors!
You got it!
Frank, are you okay?
Where are you?
Never mind that,
I know how Simon Davenport was killed,
He was Richard Kane,
He drove him off the cliff,
There's a warrant after your arrest,
They're claiming that you killed a reporter,
Say it isn't so,
It ain't so, Ed,
It's another thing, Frank,
The mayor got wind of this whole mess and they're pulling our funds,
What?
Please spot a shutdown effective immediately,
This is all because of me,
I'll fix this,
Do me a favor, Frank,
Lay low,
You got it,
Thank you, Ed,
Excuse me,
Do you have a phone I could use?
Thanks,
As soon as I could, I called Beth to bring her the news,
It wasn't easy, but I hoped it would bring her some peace,
Thanks,
What the hell, man?
Thank you,
Got your heart?
This is nothing,
Don't be silly,
Come in,
This is all I could find,
I might sting a bit,
Good for it,
It's okay,
Keep going,
Kane said he had something big in store tomorrow for New Year's Eve,
I would like to bet it's whatever Simon was trying to warn us about,
What do you mean something big?
I don't know,
But people could be in danger,
I see,
Frank, I have a confession,
My brother called me before he died,
He told me some things that I haven't told you,
To what?
He told me he was working on some kind of therapeutic device,
Someone to calm people down, but he was worried
now that someone could use it to do the opposite,
Calm people?
Up,
He didn't say,
He just told me that if anything were to happen to him,
I needed to do whatever it took to stop the device,
Those were his last words to me,
So that's why you inserted yourself into my investigation?
Well, at first,
And that's why you showed up at the Bengal Club?
Yes,
And that's why you pretended to love me?
No, Frank,
No, how could you say that?
I can't believe I opened myself up to love again,
I wrote that whole song about it,
I rented studio space,
Don't call, please,
Frank, please,
Look at me,
What is that?
What?
That,
That's my Tivo that I lent you yesterday, so that you could watch Season 1 of Buffy,
so that you could start getting my references,
I know that, Frank,
And I specifically told you not to plug it into the Internet,
Oh,
Oh, that's an Ethernet cord going from my Tivo directly into your router,
where the Internet comes from,
I was just trying to plug it into the electricity,
And now they might be expired,
That means gone,
No musical special,
No Sander,
No Spike,
No Cordelia Chase,
No Daniel Osborn,
No Willow meets her double-ganger episode,
Nothing,
Sorry, I didn't know they were so,,, Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Frank, we're in the middle of an important conversation,
Just stand there,
Hmm,
They're gone,
It's okay, it's just the landline,
I'll get it,
Hello?
It's Ed,
I've got footage,
Okay,
I'll be right there,
Ed had ducked through the bank footage and identified a man who had slipped out the
bank, who also happened to be Cain's head of security and right-hand man,
If anyone knew Cain's plan, it would be him,
We needed to get him along, but the squeeze on,
But we had to do it on our own way off the books,
We're on our way now,
You're not my normal driver,
This isn't my normal car,
That's not my normal gas,
This isn't my normal weather, folks,
Hello, doctor,
He's waking up,
Days in,
January 2nd,
You've been here for three days,
Three days?
Can you turn that up, please?
That won't be necessary, nurse,
Hello, Mr, Gustafsson,
You're surprised to see me,
Your little plan, it didn't work out,
We stopped it,
The good guys won,
Cain's in jail,
And here's the bad news for you,
He's singing,
He told us you killed Simon Davenport and that reporter,
There's talk you might get the chair for this,
You're mine,
Am I?
And tell me what really happened,
You're right,
Tough guy, huh?
You know what happens to big, pretty boys like you and Sam Quinn?
Ooh, they're gonna love you,
What are you talking about?
Oh yeah, I've seen it a hundred times,
Massive cutie pie like you,
You'll be very popular,
First day in, probably have your mugshot go viral online,
The sexy jailbird,
Congrats, you're famous,
Okay,
Then one day, a new fan army finds a legal loophole,
And suddenly, you're free,
You're back on the streets,
It's not bad,
Only now, you've got an image to uphold,
The sexy jailbird,
Sick of out of carbs,
Hello, intermittent fasting,
You like ramen?
Or is all broth for you, baby?
Not to mention, there's a new sexy jailbird now,
And he's all about body positivity,
He's eating burgers on the prison Instagram when you're starving to death,
But your brand is skinny,
You can't change course now,
So you decide to end it,
Pull it in the head,
But you miss,
You only get the part of the brain that regulates farts,
Now you're a new name,
Farting guy,
Who's that that you want to be farting guy?
Come on!
Tell me farting guy!
You love it!
It was all Kate's plan,
It wasn't my plan,
What was?
The blast of frequency,
It would infect people's brains and turn them into savages,
And where was it going to do that?
The WWFC flight,
Downtown, midnight,
Where was it going to put the device?
In the New Year's balls,
The balls,
Hey, where you going?
I want a lawyer, okay?
I'm sorry that we framed you,
I'm sorry,
Did you get all that?
Every word,
I don't know what's time,
It's only 90 minutes to New Year's,
What was happening?
How is getting a confession like this legal?
Sometimes to get the job done, you have to break the law,
I do it all the time,
Did we get all that?
We got it,
Internal affairs,
You're under arrest for the illegal detainments of St, Gustafson,
No,
Ah, so you set me up,
Impressive,
I had just one thing,
How were you able to build these sets so quickly?
I just told some city contractors that I'd
pull their licenses if they didn't help us,
Did you get all that?
Loud and clear,
Hector Gutierrez, Department of Occupational Safety
and Health Officer Barnes, you are under arrest,
Hello,
It's weird,
I left my wife at home, and she was wearing makeup since she didn't have any plans,
What do you think that's about?
I don't know,
Me neither,
And of course none of this will be possible without tonight's sponsor,
Eden Tech's Richard K,
The boys in the lab loaned me these special ear plugs,
They blocked digital frequency,
So if that bomb does go off, we're protected,
Nice work,
Now, where's Kane?
Kane is in the skybox,
What about backup?
There is no backup,
What?
We're wanted for murder,
But Gustafson confessed,
We coerced him,
Haven't you ever heard of the Miranda rights?
I'm pretty sure it's Kerry that writes, Miranda is a lawyer,
Charlotte's an art dealer,
Samantha's a whore,
What?
What is it?
I've been trying to call Beth for hours,
She's not picking up,
I just hope she's okay,
Sir?
Yes?
Oh, please,
Can I help you?
Remember me?
Well, hello, Miss Cherry Roosevelt,
Fat Bozo charming spaghetti,
I, uh, love your new look,
Thank you,
Fat, please, join me,
Why don't you come on up?
Check, check,
I'm on my way to the vault,
Okay, Frank, Tom's working,
I'm in position,
We have 25 minutes,
Hey, one beer, please,
We'll close,
Come on, one beer is not going to kill you,
One beer,
Get lost,
How much?
It's Frank,
Just get the hell out of here,
Ed, do you hear me?
I can hear you, Frank,
I think one of Kane's goons is up there,
Frank, can you hear me?
Somebody's up there, Frank,
I'm calling,
It's up there, Frank,
What's that?
Uh, never mind,
Jay, we'll get over the rules in the back,
I expect you to fight clean, fight hard, fight fair,
The tension in this arena is palpable the moment of truth that's here, folks,
Straight to voicemail,
I bet she's with Gary,
Let me use your phone,
She won't know your number,
Get ready!
Get off!
I read any good books lately, Miss Spaghetti,
Or should I say Miss Davenport?
I especially like the part where the erudite housewife
transforms herself into a would-be assassin seeking revenge,
Hiding her,,,
gun,,, in her cart about,,,
another,,, in the small of her back,,,
and a,,,
shotgun,,,
in her beautiful,,, brunette wig,
Tie her up,
Okay, Ed,
I'm at the balls,
I'm gonna look through the device,
Okay,
Nice work, Frank,
Hey, you got free beer?
No, there's not free,,,
Oh, boy,
It's gotta be in here somewhere,
Come in,
Go on, take it, and go,
Frank, can you hear me?
I think I see a dead,,, All right, folks,
We're having some technical difficulties with the New Year's Evil,
I can't quite read,
The pencil!
Tell us what's going on,
Yourself, for those of you back home, I will try to paint the picture,
The legs themselves are pale and white, sprinkled with sediment soft hair,
Now turning our gaze to the middle, where we find something quite magnificent,
The main event, if you fit for the imperial court of the Kaiser himself,
Or maybe a loaf of unbaked bread wearing an afro wig,
I got it,
Okay, I'm gonna get out,
Trepid,
All right, get security down there now!
Nothing to see here, folks,
Police business, please, carry on,
All right, buddy, time to go,
Now listen to me, good,
My name is Frank Trepid,
From Police Squad,
This event is now over,
Everyone vacate the premises immediately,
Now!
Okay, play time's over,
Give me the mic,
Don't take another step, buddy,
That's it,
Oh, my God!
You like watching a real man kick ass?
All
right, goodbye, everyone,
Have a good night,
All right, you, you, come with me,
Tell everybody to put in their frequency plugs,
I heard, too,
We don't want to hurt one crazy here, do we?
What do you see, Frank?
The device has some lights on it,
Various holes,
Ways about two and a half chili dogs,
It's got some sort of timer on it,
Sinked up to midnight,
Hello, detective,
Easy now,
What's happening?
Stop right there,
Don't do it,
Make one more move,
I'll blow its freaking computer brains all over this floor,
Think about it, Trebin,
Everything I'm doing is for guys like us,
Guys like us?
Yes,
Parallel for righteous men,
I should give it down,
Come on, Frank,
You said it yourself,
The world was better before,
What have you done?
Two wheels move to solve a problem,
It's a famous quote, I thought,
Close,com,
Hey, boss,
Yeah,
What do you want me to do with her?
Well, you were here,
She'll be dead by morning,
You supposed to go on a ride, right?
Let's do it,
Stay back,
I don't want to hurt you,
Keep on doing this,
Daddy?
Help me, Daddy,
What can we do?
We're now waiting,
Let me get this guy first,
Got him,
Okay, this guy's all right,
Come on, Jimmy,
I'm not playing around,
Oh, thanks,
That's him,
A little more,
You've got a clear shot,
Dang it,
That was so much,
You still got it, Daddy,
Thank you, Daddy,
You see what you've done, Kane?
It's not too late to stop this madness,
This isn't madness, Brennan,
This is progress,
Progress,
The needs of the future never outweigh the needs of the many,
This is the time when you do that,
So, let's come to this,
The culmination of our journey,
All this stuff,
It's too late,
It's taking place between you and me,
Thanks, David,
I got it,
I'm so sorry,
I messed up the lines a little bit,
No problem,
You did great,
See you Sunday,
Okay, Kane,
Anyway, look at us,
Isn't this beautiful?
Exactly as nature intended,
Two great Kodiak bears facing one another in an epic battle for dominance,
If it's a fight you want, very well,
Ow!
You hit my belly,
You hit the soft part of my belly,
What the hell?
Have you ever actually been in a fight before?
Yeah, I have,
Oh, my God,
I think I'm in a barf,
Is that normal?
Do you want to keep fighting?
What?
No!
My tummy still hurts a lot,
Well, in that case, I'm going to arrest you,
You can't arrest me,
You still didn't catch me,
There's nowhere to run,
I won't be running,
I'll be flying,
Richard Kane,
You're under arrest,
They won't be hurting anyone anymore,
It's over,
Not for me, it isn't,
No,
Please,
Think about this, Beth,
Killing him won't fix anything,
Why should I let him live?
It won't bring Simon back,
I don't know that for sure,
You're right,
Anything is possible,
But you have to let the justice system do its job,
That's rich coming from you,
The truth is, Beth, once you kill a man for revenge, there's no going back,
It stays with you forever, following you like a shadow,
A voice in your head sang over and over, man, that was awesome,
So, put the gun down,
If not for me, not for us, for our future together,
I love you, Beth,
Don't throw it all away for a few seconds of the
best feeling you would ever have in your life,
You can say whether or not I love you, too,
Ronald, we come,
Oh, you got the promotion,
Oh, my God,
Not bad for a stubborn old fool,
I guess old men really are the toughest, smartest,
most capable, sexiest beings on the planet,
So, Frank, you've made me a very happy boy,
Me, too,
You
can say whether or not
I love you, too,